I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
