Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
