don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
