The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
