weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
