Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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