If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
