thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
