everyone is single if you try hard enough
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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