I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
