Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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