He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
