I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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