just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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