you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
