They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
