ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
