You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
