We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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