Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
