He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
