Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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