i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
