Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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