new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
how drunk are you?
Several
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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