So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
