There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
