There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk is not a location!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
