Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?