I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"