There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.