if only i could text you this smell
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?