Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.