You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.