I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.