I don't think brook has ever known best
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls