You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working