whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
