at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
