She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
