Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
