So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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