What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
