You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
