You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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