I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
