I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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