Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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