omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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