White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
