omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
