dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
