This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
