please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up under a house in Key West
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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