i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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