Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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