Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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