I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
