I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
