He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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