You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
