I'm lost and stupid without you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
