Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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