I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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