Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
