So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
