My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize