I want to walk on stilts...naked
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
