Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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