He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
