Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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