U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
