Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
