I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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