i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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