I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
