I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
