Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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