need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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