your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
