And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
